Growing up with a lot of female relatives around me, I heard so many dreadful stories, when my aunt’s would describe how turning 30 had changed their world. It was so funny how they would recall, that right down from the neighbourhood kid to their local vegetable vendor had started calling them “Aunty.” So naturally that fear remained with me in my 30’s, and they were bang on right, you know. How the tables had turned!
Of course what followed was inching our way into the 40’s, which of course smashed all of that nonsense to pieces.
And then some years down the line, one day you wake up, the clock has ticked, and lo and behold, you are sitting on the edge of being 50.
Feels really old doesn’t it? Well what do you know; you have lived for more than half of your life, if statistics are to be believed.
But you can’t escape Time. It will catch up with you sooner than you say Happy Birthday to me. And this is the looking glass I am peeking into presently. In about a couple of weeks I will be celebrating yet another year lived on this planet (and no I won’t reveal the big secret.) But in spite of my growing years, I still am a “young , full of starry dreams in her eyes girl.” I don’t think I can ever let go of that unique personality trait of mine. I am an Aquarian after all.
But the fact is, I love being older. I love this feeling of wholeness that’s deepening every year. I feel rooted in who I am, and while I still get tossed around on hormonal tidal waves, at my core I know myself. I know what I’m capable of. I know my worth.
Although the changes in my body and face are not particularly welcome, would I like to erase 10-15 years off my face when I look in the mirror? Yeahhhh, some days I really would. But would I actually want to be 30 again? Naahhh, absolutely not.
I deeply appreciate knowing how much strength I have in me to survive things. And it’s not just because I experienced such a life changing bereavement in my early years. I guess I am made of more steel than frill. And also it makes me realize how strong we are as individuals and can tide over any obstacle as time moves forward. And that heart breaks will be survived. And that bad memory will fade. And that you find the forgiveness to bestow.
But I do love the empowerment I feel in this season of my life. I care less about what other people think of me and walk down the street like I own it. I also hide in my bedroom on the days I need to, but the beauty of getting older means not having to ask for anyone’s permission to do what you need. I don’t know who that permission giver was, mind you. I want to be my own biggest cheerleader, because after all these years it finally hits you that no one else is going to do it for you. And if there is one thing that I truly believe in and try as much to follow is the mantra of “less interference, less drama.”
So even though there may be those rare days when I would give anything to have had my life turn out differently, 99.9% of the time I don’t think I would change a thing.
I love that fact that I had the courage and the gumption to keep evolving and growing in this life that’s all mine. I have enjoyed and embraced the ride of the roller coaster of endless emotions of, Love, Heartbreak, Happiness, Laughter, Tears, Anger, Loneliness, Friendships, Adventure, lots of Travelling, and so many more.
And if my 40’s were this good, I hope my 50’s, 60’s and beyond (if I am lucky) will ROCK. Coz like they say Age is just a number!
Cheers to that !!