I was shopping at a clothing store a few days back when I overheard a couple of young girls passionately discussing and dissecting a forthcoming wedding that was to take place between two of Bollywood’s mega stars.
It was a typical nonsensical and useless tête-à-tête which was none of their business in the first place.
And I don’t know why, but it bothered me. Flimsy stuff like that always bothers me. I couldn’t “shrug things off,” and move on. I was dwelling, and obsessing on that conversation for the whole day. And I couldn’t understand why?
It had nothing to do with me. And everyone has a right to their opinion. So why was this conversation whirring around in my head?
Was it, because I feel emotions more deeply? And react to things faster, and more intensely than other people do. It’s like getting hit with the first shot of tequila.
And yes, I worry. I worry about this, and that, and every other thing. I don’t shy away from things that make me uncomfortable, because I always seem to be uncomfortable.
I understand that I am not a mess, but a deeply feeling person in a messy world. I cry more than I laugh. I feel more than I should.
But then, I guess when you are connected to everything, you somehow also feel responsible for everything. You just can’t turn your back away from most situations and the people in your life. Your destiny becomes bound with their destiny.
It’s good to feel the pain of others and be compassionate. Empathy is a powerful and arguably rare trait to possess, but the one thing I keep reminding myself is, to be strong enough to love not only my family and friends, but more importantly, myself too.
People like me who feel too much are no strangers to excessive anger, sadness, happiness, etc. They experience every emotion on the spectrum way more deeply than they’d like. Holding back the tidal waves of feelings is just plain impossible. It’s like standing at the edge of the ocean when a giant wave moves in too fast for you to escape it.
You do realise that you don’t control your emotions – they control you. And when you have one of those teary moods, everything and anything whether it is a movie, a book or a song, everything can turn on those waterworks and make you howl.
And as much as I’d like to deny this, I can’t. People, who feel so much, become highly perceptive to other people’s feelings. And honestly, there are very few people who understand the true, inner workings of your mind. They think they know you but in reality they don’t. They can never understand what it is like to feel hurt, or misunderstood, or even ignored.
This is the reason why we appreciate solitude so much. Its only when we are truly alone that we can take the time to deeply reflect upon our feelings. Although it may make us appear to be aloof and stand offish, but in reality this is the time we certainly need to sort through our emotions.
And it explains why we are drawn to other deep and introspective individuals, either in a friendly or romantic way. Their similar mindset, deep talks and wisdom are like an energy bar for our tired souls.
There are probably so many days in a year when I wish I could just “chill out” and take life as it is, but then circumstances take precedence over my needs, and I can’t. But I guess that’s okay. One just learns to live through it.
I just believe in following my heart!!!